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MAKING HEADWAY

BY RICH FARRELLY

Credit: Me (Somewhere in Berlin)

Welcome to issue #14 of Making Headway, a monthly letter to you, with a focus on doing your best leadership work and hopefully, making some tweaks to your life. I love that you are here. If this was forwarded to you, subscribe here.

Sunday, December 7th, 2025 

Hello Rule-bender,

How are you? I am fine.

The last month included, among other things, our final Bookclub for the year. Melbourne University House - where we meet - displays a title for the group who uses a room. They were given a name to use, but they forgot to update it and left the previous one there. So for one night only, we were officially “DeathTech Research.” Fittingly, the book we’d chosen was The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, so the accidental branding wasn’t entirely off-theme. I really enjoyed it. I’m realising I have a soft spot for dystopian fiction, even if some of my fellow bookclubbers suggested that, written in 1985, it reads a little like a prediction for the future.

Photo Credit: Me. The Beefsteak Club and the Left Hand Side of ANZ were in other rooms

I have been getting plenty of feedback about using Skipper and Rocket in some videos I do on LinkedIn (here's one) and when I sometimes use them in my letters to you.

Some people joke that I’m exploiting my pets for likes. I prefer to think of them as scroll-stoppers. They’re cute - no argument there - but I do sometimes wonder whether the actual message lands when they appear on screen.

So, for the Skipper and Rocket fans, the images below are just for you. No leadership metaphor. No hidden lesson. Just dogs.

Photo credit: My wife, Kate

11 Minutes to Freedom

11 Minutes to Freedom

A couple of years ago, I realised Instagram had quietly taken me captive. Not dramatically. More like quicksand. I’d open it for a “just a minute” reset, scroll past a few whippets and nostalgic TV clips, and suddenly an hour had evaporated.

It wasn’t rest. It was escape disguised as rest.

A friend suggested I set a timer in the phone’s wellbeing and parental control settings. So I did: 11 minutes. Not 10 (too neat). Eleven felt like a line I couldn’t pretend I didn’t see.

Now, when the limit hits, the phone asks if I want to add more time or close. Sometimes it cuts out mid-scene. Today the timer cut me off right in the middle of a Thai advertisement where a guy is trying to dismantle a bomb while his family stands about two metres away. The bomb is one of the first hooks, of many hooks throughout the ad. Excellent story telling, frustrating timing.

Could I have added more time? Yes. 

Did I? Yes. Turns out I needed to see how it ended and what the ad was for (I’m human). 
 

Was it worth the investment of time? Kind of. (Spoiler: he does stop the bomb - but not how you expect.)

The point is: that tiny interruption changed the dynamic.

I stopped assuming that I was choosing Instagram, and realised Instagram had been choosing me. It decided how long I disappeared for and how often I numbed out from the work in front of me.

A boundary gave me back control.

A small limit loosened the ropes.

I’m no longer a hostage to the scroll.

So, let’s talk about hostages.

Photo by Saj Shafique on Unsplash

17 Camels

A man dies and leaves his 17 camels to his three sons, with instructions in his will:

• Oldest son gets ½
• Middle son gets ⅓
• Youngest son gets ⅛

The sons do the maths and realise:

• ½ of 17 = 8.5
• ⅓ of 17 ≈ 5.67
• ⅛ of 17 = 2.125

You can’t chop up camels (well… you can, but that’s not ideal), so they’re stuck. Conflict brews.

They go to a wise village elder for help.
The elder thinks on their dilemma. After some time she gets up, walks to her own camel and takes it to the three sons to add to their herd. The sons now have 18 camels.

Now the maths works:

• ½ of 18 = 9
• ⅓ of 18 = 6
• ⅛ of 18 = 2

9 + 6 + 2 = 17.
Each son gets more than they expected, and the elder simply takes her camel back and walks away.

I love this story for the many lessons that can be learned from it.

• The sons are hostage to the way the problem is framed – “17” as fixed, only whole camels, no fractions.
• The elder becomes the “17th camel” leader: someone who temporarily adds a resource, perspective, or option that unlocks movement.
• Nobody “wins” at the expense of the others – the win comes from changing the structure of the problem, not pushing harder inside it.

In leadership terms, the “17th camel” can be:

• A neutral facilitator
• Extra time or space to think
• A temporary team member, budget, or support
• A different decision rule (for example, prototype first, then decide

In hostage dynamics, people feel like they have only bad options: 

• keep the toxic high performer or lose results,
• take the funding or lose your values,
• say nothing or blow up the relationship.

The 17 camels story is a reminder that the best leaders go looking for a third option that isn’t visible from inside the drama.

Sometimes you need to be the extra camel – the temporary piece you add so everyone can walk away more whole than they arrived.

10 Types of Hostages and Hostage Takers

AI Generated image - I don't have my scissor licence

1. Hostage to the High Performer 

Hostage Taker: The Myth of “Irreplaceable” Talent

You tolerate a brilliant but toxic person because the short-term output feels too valuable to lose.
The ransom: culture, morale, psychological safety.

Fix: Define behavioural non-negotiables and hold everyone — including stars — to them.

2. Hostage to Your Amygdala 

Hostage Taker: Reactivity Over Reason

Stress, surprise, or conflict triggers fight-or-flight and your better judgment evaporates.
The ransom: your ability to lead with clarity instead of reactivity.

Fix: Take one slow breath or pause 10 seconds to reset your nervous system before responding.

3. Hostage to the Past 

Hostage Taker: Legacy Attachment (Sunk Cost + Old Stories + Outdated Systems)

You keep pouring time, money, or reputation into something because of how much you've already invested.
The ransom: your future agility.

Fix: Do a quick “legacy audit” — keep what serves the future and retire what doesn’t.

4. Hostage to Perfectionism

Hostage Taker: The Need for Control

You refuse to let go, delegate, or trust the team. You become the bottleneck you complain about.
The ransom: your bandwidth, the team’s growth, and your own sanity.

Fix: Delegate one task this week that you would normally keep and let good-enough be good enough.

5. Hostage to People-Pleasing 

Hostage Taker: Choosing ‘Nice’ over 'Kind'

You avoid conflict, soften every message, or never say “No” because you want to be liked.
The ransom: clarity, boundaries, and your own authority.

Fix: Practice a clean, boundaried “No” — early, simple, and without over-explanation.

6. Hostage to the Loudest Voice 

Hostage Taker: Dominant Personalities

A single dominant personality (boss, peer, stakeholder, team member) sets the emotional temperature for everyone else.
The ransom: balanced decision-making and diverse perspectives.

Fix: Run a structured round where everyone speaks once before anyone speaks twice.

7. Hostage to the Calendar (No White Space)

Hostage Taker: Reactive Scheduling

Your day is dictated by back-to-back meetings and reacting to everyone else’s priorities.
The ransom: strategic thinking time and real progress.

Fix: Before accepting anything, ask: “If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?” — then block one non-negotiable thinking hour each week and protect it like a meeting with your CEO.

8. Hostage to Assumptions and Biases

Hostage Taker: Mental Shortcuts

You run on autopilot: old assumptions, outdated mental models, and quick judgments.
The ransom: good decisions.

Fix: Ask one curious question before making a conclusion: “What else could be true here?” or "What do I know to be true here?"

9. Hostage to Avoidance

Hostage Taker: Fear of Discomfort

You delay the crucial conversation, the decision, the restructure, the performance discussion.
The ransom: trust, momentum, and credibility.

Fix: Schedule the uncomfortable conversation within 48 hours and script your opening line and only your opening line.

10. Hostage to Your Own Identity Story

Hostage Taker: Outdated Self-Narratives

“I’m the fixer.”
“I’m the expert.”
“I’m the one who holds it all together.”
These stories lock you into roles you’ve outgrown.
The ransom: evolution, creativity, and the leader you could become next.

Fix: Refresh your leadership brand — decide who you want to be known as now, not who you used to be.

There are plenty more, but let's just stop at 10.

If you or your team are tired of being held hostage, get in touch. Helping leaders break free is what I do.

Guest Post

Our regular good friend of this letter, Paul Edwards, had alot on his plate this month (A hostage??), so you will see him again next month.

Expecting more?

There is so much more to write on each letter I send, but I appreciate people's attention spans and other commitments. I know you would like more, so get in touch and I am happy to chat. 

I like to think we are all little cheer squads for each other in this world and our default position is that we all want each other to succeed in business and in life, so feedback and ideas are always welcome. I know it is coming from a good place. I am even open to a ‘letter to the editor’, if you are inspired to write.

Thanks for reading this far. 

Write back and let me know what breakthrough you have had after reading this letter. What thoughts you had. Just a sentence (or longer, if you like).

Write to you next month.

Rich

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