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MAKING HEADWAY

BY RICH FARRELLY

Photo by Jason Jarrach on Unsplash
     

Welcome to issue #9 of Making Headway, a monthly letter to you, with a focus on doing your best leadership work and hopefully, making some tweaks to your life. I love that you are here. If this was forwarded to you, subscribe here.

Sunday, July 13th, 2025 

Hello Winter Wonders,

This letter should have arrived to you a week ago to this very minute. Like a boomgate going down as you approach the level crossing, things got in the way. And, to be honest, this was a bit of a rush job. I promise to do better.

Last weekend was hectic. I don't normally have hectic weekends, but I kind of lost control of it on Saturday morning, and played catch up for the rest of the week.

Things usually stop for me at 4pm on a Friday for cocktail hour(s). Nothing gets in the way of this time.

If you are imaging that I am powering through a vast array of the worlds 77 known cocktails every Friday, you have the wrong picture. The reality is a much more sobering two gin and sodas - I don't have a liver made of iron.

I'd like to say I reflect upon the week that was and show gratitude for everything I have etc. etc., but I don't. This particular night I watched a film. This time it was something of a classic and you may have heard of it, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. 

I am not a massive fan, but any port in a storm.

One line stuck out for me  where Dumbledore says to Harry, 

"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities". 

Boom!! This made me sit up. Turns out I had heard something similar in Ted Lasso, but it washed over me at the time.

So, let's talk about choices.

Photo credit: Me. It's a Forest. It will make sense (and be funny) when you read this

Meeting People Where They Are At

During the filming of Forrest Gump, the director, Bob Zemeckis, faced a challenge. The young actor cast to play Forrest as a child had a strong Mississippi accent - one that didn’t match how Tom Hanks was delivering the adult version of the character.

Zemeckis asked Hanks to help the boy adjust his voice to sound more like him. At the time, Hanks was at the top of his game. He’d just won an Oscar and was leading one box-office success after another. He could have insisted they recast the role or worked around it.

But instead, he asked to meet the boy. After hearing him speak, Hanks made a different call: “Why don’t I just talk the way he talks?”

That simple, quiet choice - to adapt to someone else, rather than expect them to adapt to him - shaped one of the most iconic characters in film history.

It’s a powerful reminder that sometimes, the most effective decisions come not from asserting control or bashing your head against the brick wall - you won't break through it, you'll just get a headache - but from letting go of it.

* * *

Photo by Drahomír Hugo Posteby-Mach on Unsplash

Boundaries

I have been having alot of conversations lately about boundaries, or the lack of boundaries people have. This can be many things. Let's talk about it  or more specifically, the ones you don’t set.

You know the ones. The sneaky little choices that dress up like “being helpful” or “a team player” or “just keeping the peace”… but underneath, they’re quietly costing you something. 

Like time.
Or energy.
Or your actual sanity.

Not setting a boundary is still a choice. It just happens by default, not design.

So here’s a nudge:
Every time you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else.
Even if you don’t realise it in the moment.

Let’s make those trade-offs a little more visible:

✳️ People-Pleasing
You say yes to avoid disappointing others.
But you’re saying no to your own time, priorities, and sometimes your truth.

🪧 Default mode: “Sure, I can do that.”
✅ Chosen mode: “Is this a kind yes - or a resentful one waiting to happen?”

✳️ Overworking
You say yes to one more thing. One more email. One more late night.
You’re saying no to rest, recovery, and relationships.

🪧 Default mode: “I’ll just squeeze this in.”
✅ Chosen mode: “I stop when it’s enough, not when I’m empty.”

✳️ Avoiding Conflict
You say yes to being agreeable. You stay quiet to keep things smooth.
But you’re saying no to being understood. Or heard. Or respected. There's a term for this, it's called artificial harmony.

🪧 Default mode: “It’s fine.”
✅ Chosen mode: “Discomfort now is cheaper than resentment later.”

✳️ Absorbing Everyone Else’s Stress
You say yes to holding space. To carrying the team's weight.
But you’re saying no to your own emotional clarity.

🪧 Default mode: “I’ll manage it.”
✅ Chosen mode: “I can care without carrying it all.”

✳️ Being the Default Fixer
You say yes to stepping in (again).
You’re saying no to team growth, sustainability, or even just a proper lunch.

🪧 Default mode: “It’s just quicker if I do it.”
✅ Chosen mode: “If I do everything, who learns anything?”

✴️ Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re choices.
And the more you bring those choices into the light, the more powerful they become.

What have you been saying yes to lately?
And what might it be quietly costing you?

Guest Post

This month I have another chat to my good friend, Paul Edwards about Choices.-[=/

PE: Hi again, Richard!

RF: Hey mate, good to see you again. How’ve you been?

PE: Pretty good! But speaking of choice - I noticed you invited me back. Did you really have a choice in that?

RF: Ha! Of course I did. Didn’t I?

PE: Well, that's the thing - ever heard of forced choice? Magicians love it, but it can also pop up in daily life, even without the rabbit and top hat.

RF: Intriguing. Tell me more.

PE: Do I have a choice?

RF: Nicely played.

PE: Forced choice is about nudging people off the fence. For instance, if you’re running a survey, instead of giving a neutral option, you limit choices to agree or disagree. Maybe "strongly agree," "somewhat agree," "somewhat disagree," and "strongly disagree."

RF: Hmm. But doesn’t that limit people’s genuine responses?

PE: It can, sure, but sometimes neutrality isn’t helpful - especially if you're after clear insights. Take the HBDI Whole Brain Thinking assessment we both use; it has forced-choice questions precisely to uncover how someone naturally thinks under pressure.

RF: Fair point. But here’s something else interesting about choices: too many can be just as problematic. Excessive options can paralyse decision-making and even hurt psychological well-being.

PE: Seriously? How’s that?

RF: Barry Schwarz talks about this in his book, The Paradox of Choice. He calls it the tyranny of choice - too many options lead to higher expectations and more potential for regret, making it tougher to feel satisfied. It can also cause analysis paralysis, preventing any decision at all. 

PE: Ah, yes - good old analysis paralysis!

RF: Exactly right.

PE: So does Schwarz talk about forced choice, too?

RF: Sort of. He recommends deliberately limiting options, similar to forced choice. He also suggests aiming for choices that are "good enough" rather than perfect. I think it is why I like the Aldi supermarket so much.

PE: Does gratitude factor into it? Like appreciating what you've got rather than longing for something you don’t?

RF: Absolutely. And here's one you’ll find particularly fascinating, given your analytical bent - Schwarz recommends making certain decisions irreversible.

PE: Really? Irreversible?

RF: Yep. It reduces second-guessing and cuts down regret significantly.

PE: Makes sense. Do you have regrets about any choices you've made?

RF: For sure. But looking back, most of the things I've regretted have taught me something valuable. Maybe the trick isn't avoiding regret, but choosing how to learn from it.

PE: Sounds like a choice worth making.

I like to think we are all little cheer squads for each other in this world and our default position is that we all want each other to succeed in business and in life, so feedback and ideas are always welcome. I know it is coming from a good place. I am even open to a ‘letter to the editor’, if you are inspired to write.

Thanks for reading this far. 

Write to you next month.

Rich

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